the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize