You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
