god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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