somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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