RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
