Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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