Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
soo... how was my night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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