Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize