I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
