Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
