That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
