i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
