Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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