you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
