i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
