i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
