We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
