Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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