OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
