i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
