i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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