imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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