Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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