So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize