we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
