Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
