you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
