the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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