Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize