Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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