So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
