I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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