Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize