I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
