I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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