margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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