I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
