I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
