I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
