I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
