My Higher Power is John Stamos
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
