my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize