its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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