when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize