wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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