Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
