Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
