six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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