It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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