So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
