You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
