the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize