the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
