I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
