I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
