My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My life is pants optional.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
