none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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