after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
