i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
