It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
