how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
