$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
