Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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