I looked at my own cervix.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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