i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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