No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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