Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
