loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
