Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
