I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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