He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
