Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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