one two three fourrrrnication!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
