Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
