No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
