Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
