Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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