he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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