Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
