then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
