I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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