New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
