i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
