dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
