New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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