It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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