If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
