Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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