What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
